I must admit that I am a nervous wreck when it comes to my children, ages 28, 24 and 16. When my daughter was going out too often and staying out too late, we also had an argument. She thought I was stopping her from enjoying her youth while I was just being the "praning" mom of these dangerous times. I think it's also bec of the cellphone which I didn't have growing up.
When I was young, I would always be out with friends from the neighborhood. When I went to college and became involved in extra-curricular activities, I would go home really late or sleep over at a friend's. Nobody called or texted to ask for my whereabouts and what time I intend to come home. The one time my dad scolded me because I came home late , I remember him saying, "Uwi ba yan ng matinong babae?" But usually he would just ask if I already had dinner.
My daughter has since realized it was better for the both of us if she dutifully updates me where she is especially when she's out with friends on a weekend gimmick. I usually calm down if I am informed that she's with a friend she could go home with after or if she's taking Uber. Yes, Grab and Uber made my waiting more bearable bec I know my daughter will be assured of a safer ride. My daughter, too, has become street smart enough and I am confident she could take care of herself. I don't know but I am more "praning" with my sons.
So my son is telling me that I stage mothered him too much that he was already being left behind by his peers in terms of things he wanted to do. Honestly, all the while I thought that the main reason he wasn't able to do things was financial. As a family ,we had to go through difficulties with tuition fees and if not for his (and his ate's) academic excellence, we would be neck-deep in debt sending all three of them to private schools. I actually joke about sending my children to London, as in "loan dito, loan doon".
I can't possibly be stage mothering too much. I actually think I didn't stage mother enough. I am not the type of parent who likes to talk to teachers. I seldom went to pick up their report cards bec most of the time we failed to pay tuition so the cards could not be released to us so I don't bother to come and pick them up. Fortunately,despite the constraints, my children were very good students with my eldest son graduating valedictorian in elem amd hs, his ate, an honorable mention and the bunso, also among the best students of his grade 10 class.
What pained me so much during the argument was hearing my son tell me what's wrong with us as parents. We didn't have much. I was the usual overbearing mom who talks a lot and says a lot but who, with my hubby, took to house chores without forcing any of our children to the tasks. For us, it's enough that they never gave us problems and that they were/are diligent in their studies.
Anyway, that was yesterday. My son after all inherited the "opinionated" from me which was enhanced by his studies at the state university. Mothers and their daughters and sons would always have episodes of snapping at each other. Ours are few and far between but they always lend the relationship some relief of sorts after acknowledging what was amiss. We are not a family known to say sorry and I love you. We don't kiss and make up. We just wake up more aware and understanding of each other.
I recall the film in which Matthew McCounaghey "fails to launch" as an adult and continues to live with his parents. In my case, it's the parent in me who would be "failing to launch" her children on their own because , honestly, I wish to have them with us for a long time. Tonight, my daughter is out of town. My eldest son decided to climb a mountain and go home tomorrow night. We only have our precious bunso with us who at 16 is already complaining I am too strict with him. And I go "why do children have to grow up and try to launch on their own?"
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